Run
by Saknad
Summary: Buffy ponders her life.


Run  
  
Running away would not fix all her problems she knew that. Yet, she had decided to do just that. Because running away would release her, she felt strangled by the choking grips the world she lived in had on her. She needed space, some time alone; she had needed that for quite some time now. But before this, she hadn't been able to give herself some of it.   
  
If she didn't have to save the world from Armageddon again, she had to take care of her sister, nurse her boyfriend back to health after a few centuries in hell, graduate, support her friends, live a normal life or just slay. She never had a moment's peace, some time to spend on herself, she always had tons of things she had to consider, millions of plans to think out. Nevertheless, that was what came with the slayer package.   
  
The first years, she had been fine with this, but then she had had the vampire she loved by her side. She had gotten to support she needed for herself, the help she so badly needed. Then, two years ago, he had left her to live by herself. Of course, she knew why, it was as easy to read on his face as it was for her to make a flip. He wanted her to be out of the danger that came with him, into the light of the normal life he wanted for her. She seriously wondered if he was crazy that night. A slayer was the darkness after all. Then all thoughts had been ripped away as the bond between them stretched out so thin she had to gasp to breath.  
  
She would never forget the feelings she had felt that night. The utter pain, the anguish, the hurt. The confusion as her soul reached out for the half that had went so far away from its twin, failing to reach it over the enormous distance between them. Her heart clenching as it realized that her only shield had shattered and left her bared to the arrows coming her way as she tried to storm the castle. And then the scream, not a scream in the literal sense, but rather a psychical one. A scream of her mind, lethal, teary, terrible. Now afterwards, she even knew that it had been the cause of countless accidents all over the word as it crashed into the minds of those with the capability to hear her mental messages.  
  
However, right then, she hadn't cared as she still looked after him, even as he had been gone for a very long time. If she remembered it correctly, it had taken quite some time for her friends to get through to her after that one. But then again, she probably didn't remember it correctly; she had been on the verge of madness right then. She hadn't been the same since.  
  
The years after that was pretty much a haze. She remembered them of course, just not as well as those years before that. She had gotten herself a boyfriend, Riley. A normal person who'd been corrupted, first by the government, then by her. He had ended up as a vampholic and left town after realizing that he would never have her heart. She remembered getting a sister, who hadn't been there before, whom she loved dearly. She remembered Spike falling in love with her, she remembered Glory wreaking havoc among her friends, much as Angelus once had. Together, they would have been quite a couple. Moreover, she remembered dying. Jumping off the edge of the tower, sinking into the open vortex, her mind being ripped apart of the strength trying to get into her. She actually thought it had managed to, after that. Pretty funny when you thought of it. First, she gave Angel to a vortex, then herself. Technically, they were both wandering vortexes.  
  
She had been dead after that. She couldn't remember much of it, all she remembered, was that she had been in some sort of white building, and she could vaguely remember some sort of forest growing around it. It had been pretty. Then, she had been revived, all by herself. Or rather by Willow, who had done some witchery again. Therefore, she was back into her empty, meaningless life. At least her friends felt okay. They were happy of course to have her back. She was not that happy though. Quite the opposite. But then again, who would think of asking her after him?  
  
Now, she was sitting on the beach contemplating what to do. Her latest realization was that she could run away. However, during the last chains of thought, she had decided that was not a good idea. She would just end up in the slum again. Maybe she could just kill herself? No, that wouldn't do, Willow would just revive her again. And she had thought death was her gift. It certainly wasn't when her friends just kept reviving her.   
  
If she had asked someone else, she knew that they would have say 'go to Angel', but she had done that already. And found him kissing the daylights out of Darla. It had not been a very pleasant experience. She didn't know what to do anymore she was lost. Lost… 


End file.
